What is the difference between nightmares and night terrors?
This is a common question: Is my child experiencing a Nightmare or a Night terror?
As parents, we completely understand your anxiety about your child’s experience at night. We want them dreaming of raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, not the Gorgon monster from Stranger Things.
Nightmares and Night Terrors are very different experiences, but actually have similar causes. Needing to pee, overheating, and unprocessed anxiety are among them.
If your little one is having a Nightmare:
They can acknowledge you and are living in the present. They can remember what happened and tell you what scared them. They are often awake and calling for you.
How can you be helpful in your response?
Once they are awake, offer a cool drink of water. This will take their focus off of the scary thoughts and distract them with the water’s temperature.
Suggest a bathroom break. It will make them feel more physically comfortable and give them a change of scenery.
Cuddle. There is nothing quite like the safe embrace of a parent that helps a child to feel connected and protected. This will help them to connect with their environment, and co-regulate with you.
Offer reassurance. “I’m proud of you for being so brave. I’m glad that your dream wasn’t real. Let’s make space in our brain for happy thoughts. What should we build with our blocks tomorrow?” This will help to draw them further away from the scary scenario that played out in their mind.
Project confidence with their ability to go back to sleep with happy dreams, knowing you are near.
If your little one is having a Night Terror:
They won’t acknowledge your presence or respond to you. Don’t take it personally or feel frustrated. They literally do not have the ability, as they are “living” in the scenario playing out in their mind.
How can you be helpful in your response?
Do NOT wake them up. Do stay with them. Be present until the end of the episode. Keep them safe.
Offer comfort. Giving a back rub or reassuring words can help them to relax and slowly bring their Night Terror to an end.
Once they are awake, follow the same steps as if they’d had a Nightmare. Some children won’t realize that they had a Nightmare, so there is no need to discuss the episode unless they seem frightened.
How can you prevent future Nightmares and Night Terrors?
Have them enjoy the last drink of the evening with dinner. That gives them lots of time to digest their food.
Make sure they physically relieve themselves before bed. Enough said.
Check their room temperature and make sure they are not overdressed for bed. The best temperature for sleeping is 18C. If your child is covered in warm jammies and a mountain of blankets, then their body temperature will easily exceed that.
Spend quality time and connect throughout the day, especially before and after big transitions (daycare, school, a playdate, etc.). This will help them to process their anxiety before the bedtime routine.
If Night Terrors or Nightmares persist, seek the help of your child’s paediatrician.
Sleep Sweetly,
Anna