How do I calm my newborn?

How many of us have been in this situation:  Our wee one starts crying uncontrollably, and after over an hour of bouncing baby up and down on your shoulder doing laps around the kitchen, attempting to shove a bottle into their mouth, and singing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” 14 times … all of our efforts to calm baby aren't working? 🙋‍♀️

Mama, I feel you. It's hard to watch baby cry, especially before they've developed the language skills to communicate the problem, and we're taking shots in the dark. We think Did something startle you? Does your tummy hurt? Are you overtired? Did you fill your diaper? Are you hungry? Do you prefer Daddy over me? 😉

But seriously. We get to the place where we are willing to try anything and everything to see our baby content and relaxed.

Newborn sleep is an especially tricky thing to figure out for a couple of reasons. 

First, newborns are active sleepers. Once baby gets a little bit older, they will develop partial paralysis. This prevents them from being able to “act out” their dreams in the phase of REM sleep. Newborns do not have this. That means they startle easily when a random limb suddenly shoots out while dreaming. 

Second, they become overtired very quickly (in fact, in a matter of 2-4 minutes). This means that we have to keep a very close eye on their wake window (which lasts anywhere from 45-60 minutes) and sleepy cues (which are unique to each child).

Third, they are developing rapidly. The 5-8 week brain leap is especially challenging when trying to sort out sleep, as behaviors such as cluster feeding, micro napping, being awake for a random long stretch of time, and needing help to sleep are common.

So, when your baby inevitably becomes upset and struggles to calm, how can you help them?

One trick that we use with newborns is CLOSE. To read about the steps and see it in action, check out our Youtube demonstration:

How else can you help calm a fussy baby?

Reduce stimulation. Move to a quiet place or cover baby’s ears while you hold them. Lower the lights and your voice.

Hold them firmly. This will help them feel safe as well as calming their startle reflex. Holding the shoulders specifically helps to provide the security that baby was used to in the womb, and helps them to feel safe.

Stay calm. Use a rhythmic patting or deep breathing to be able to help your baby. They will then be able to match your breathing and co-regulate.

Have skin to skin time. Baby often loves to tuck their face into your neck and relax into the warmth of your body and the rhythm of your heartbeat.

For other tips on calming your fussy baby, check out the video below:

Rest easy,

Anna